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FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|