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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.