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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?