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3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
How Big is Infinity?
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?