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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you