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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."