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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
More people should be at a loss for words.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!