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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?