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It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
The older I get the better I used to be.