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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!