Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!