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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.