Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.