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3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.