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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.