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I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.