Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”
You had me at 0 mutual friends
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.