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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!