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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.