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I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside