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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
I donยดt know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.