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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Gravity is a real downer.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.