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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong