Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Bad decisions make good stories.