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Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
Line forms here for spankings
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!