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why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
I just broke my record for most days lived.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".