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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work