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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.