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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.