Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.