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With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Doormats are a gateway rug.