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Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there