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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)