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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
So much to do and so few alibis.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.