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I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Iām so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...