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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.