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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?