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I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?