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Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands