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That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!