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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?