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there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.