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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
My mom says I`m special.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.