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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.