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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.