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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.