Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin