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Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?