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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...