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I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.