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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.