Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
The problem with diets is pizza.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
I make a great second impression.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
Real friends show me their boobs
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.