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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.