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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.