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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.