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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
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“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!