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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?