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I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.