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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.