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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.