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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Iām sick of closing out every job interview with āI was young. I needed the money.ā
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.