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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
I dream about naps.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.