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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
condoms prevent minivans
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.