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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I just awesomed all over the place.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?