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The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”